Mastering Feedback: Seeking Perspective and Understanding

In this episode,  "Mastering Feedback: Seeking Perspective and Understanding," we explore the crucial elements of effective feedback and provide practical strategies for navigating the feedback process. Join us as we delve into the transformative power of space and time, and how they influence our emotional responses.

1. Space and Time: Learn the importance of bouncing feedback off someone else and discover how it can challenge your initial perceptions. Did you really hear what you thought you heard? Find out how seeking a second perspective can enhance your understanding and improve your feedback interactions.
2. Sounding Board: Discover the value of having a trusted sounding board to share your thoughts and emotions surrounding feedback. Explore how leveraging a sounding board can provide clarity and support during challenging feedback situations.
3. Listening to Understand: We also delve into the art of active listening, focusing on what you don't understand rather than what you disagree with. By honing this skill, you can foster open-mindedness and foster more productive conversations.
4. Moving On: Sometimes, feedback prompts the need for a difficult decision: to stay or to leave. We offer guidance on how to navigate this choice and provide insights into the decision-making process involved.

Join us on this insightful episode of "Mastering Feedback: Seeking Perspective and Understanding" to gain practical techniques for handling feedback, fostering personal growth, and strengthening your relationships. Subscribe now and unlock your potential for effective feedback practices.

Transcript

0:04
[Music]
0:06
s today with your host Charlene
0:08
Authority and leadership development and
0:10
Hala an expert Community Builder the Pod
0:13
all about best practices to get you
0:15
noticed and ahead in your professional
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life
0:19
hello I was going to say good morning
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but it's not good morning so good
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afternoon hello hi good afternoon
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Charlene how are you doing long time no
0:28
talk I know I know it has been but it's
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always so nice when we get to
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um you know reconnect and I think that
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it's it's so funny because we left our
0:38
last podcast of like how do we deal with
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feedback and we're kicking this one off
0:43
with mastering feedback and seeking
0:45
perspective and understanding and it
0:49
really hit me so quickly that
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really the number one thing I would say
0:55
about feedback where we ended last time
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is really time and space right giving
1:01
time and space which which we've had a
1:03
lot of time and space between our last
1:05
podcast which is sad because we missed
1:08
each other and we missed sharing and and
1:10
connecting with everybody and on the
1:13
other hand it really just open for A New
1:15
Perspective so what are you thinking
1:17
about all that
1:19
you know it's really interesting that
1:20
you say that I think any time you give
1:22
feedback to someone and anytime you
1:24
receive it you need to take a breath
1:26
It's like because when you get feedback
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there's always like a layer of potential
1:31
criticism in there and everybody gets
1:34
defensive as soon as you get critiqued
1:37
so you need to like they say when you're
1:39
angry never send an email never send a
1:42
text never pick up the phone when you're
1:43
angry just like let it simmer down until
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like head's cool and you actually get to
1:49
what you feel about it so I think it's
1:51
the same with feedback right your
1:52
initial reaction to a feedback could be
1:54
very defensive
1:56
yeah I I it's funny you said feedback
2:00
could potentially be
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criticism and I do you feel it's always
2:06
criticism or or I mean looking unless
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I'm saying you're the greatest ever
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let's go with feedback in the pursuit of
2:14
change
2:15
um in a different direction right like
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other than like you're an amazing
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hilarious
2:20
well look I think that
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feedback is always going to be perceived
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as criticism unless you feel like
2:30
tremendous confidence and you feel very
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comfortable being in your position
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because if you feel very comfortable
2:37
being in your position you're
2:39
essentially a partner with the person
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who's giving you the feedback it doesn't
2:43
feel like an evaluation or a feedback it
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just feels like okay we're brainstorming
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how can we shift pivot make it better
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and you're in it right there but when
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you feel like you're getting evaluated
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there is this hierarchy that's going on
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and I think because of that it's more
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likely that a person perceives it as
3:00
criticism rather than let's work
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together I love the company diving into
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what you just said the hierarchy of your
3:08
own personal emotions right because this
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is really about
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um seeking and understanding feedback
3:13
when it is given to you not giving
3:15
feedback to someone else in in this
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podcast and that's there's 400 things
3:20
going on in your mind when someone's
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talking to you right first right like no
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that's not true right and then you're
3:25
like okay it is true or you're a person
3:27
who like oh my God everything I need to
3:29
change everything about myself now there
3:31
you have 1000 things going on in your
3:33
mind at the same time and I and I think
3:36
part of giving the space and time is
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even look I'm an outward processor and
3:41
even for me sometimes we just need to
3:43
like break those things apart right
3:45
especially if someone who's giving you
3:47
the feedback isn't so great at giving
3:49
feedback so you've got to like pull out
3:51
the emotions from it
3:53
um and even if they are great if it's
3:55
something you just didn't want to hear
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or frankly if it's something you were
3:57
already beating yourself up over and it
4:00
it's so many things so really just like
4:03
if if you can get to a place where
4:05
you're listening you're taking it in and
4:07
then you just give yourself time to
4:09
react you just take that space because
4:12
even the worst things like six months
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honestly even six hours later just feel
4:16
differently
4:17
it's true which is why I think it's
4:21
tremendously important that when you get
4:22
feedback you try and find a sounding
4:25
board right find somebody else who you
4:28
trust who you can bounce it off of who
4:31
is objective who's not always like
4:33
completely takes you know we all have
4:35
those friends who whatever you say
4:37
they're like yeah you're absolutely
4:38
right you dated that guy and you broke
4:40
up he sucks let's go kill him right like
4:43
you don't want to go to that friend you
4:45
want to go to your friend who has a
4:47
professional head about them because
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you're going to them about your
4:50
profession and your job who will be that
4:52
sounding board who can help you look at
4:54
the feedback that you got in the most
4:56
objective way and in the way that is
4:57
most informative for you to be
5:01
successful in your profession when I was
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younger I had this thing like if I told
5:08
a story three times it like let out my
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emotion like I was no longer invested in
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that was it sorry like that was like a
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magic was it really was I really know it
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because my my husband by the time I
5:19
would like talk to Three Friends by the
5:21
time he's like how was it are you okay
5:22
I'm like I'm fine
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and it would almost happen like
5:26
clockwork every time
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I was so emotional about I talked to you
5:31
know the first person and it like and it
5:33
wasn't for me it wasn't like a system
5:35
thing it was like I was just talking to
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my friends about what happened I wonder
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if that's you or if that's like a magic
5:40
number that's for most people like I'm
5:43
curious about three uh there it is do
5:46
you remember that I do remember
5:50
it's a classic and a good one it is so
5:54
it's I I don't know I um I I here's what
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I'll say I don't know if three is a
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magic number for everybody but I imagine
6:01
there is a number for you of that
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sounding board and I think you're so
6:06
right on think about who you're asking
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but maybe it's okay to be like this is
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my person that's gonna like build me up
6:13
and I'm like yeah yeah and then we get
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to the next person who and like you're
6:17
like your Edge is already off a little
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bit right where you're like okay this is
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what happened you know and so finding
6:24
multiple people in multiple sources it
6:27
also doesn't have to be people I wonder
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you know we were talking a little about
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journaling could journaling be a
6:32
sounding board that's interesting and
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could chat chibi TV Assam anymore let's
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go AI I mean yeah I I do think like
6:39
journaling can be a sounding board
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because you are potentially speaking
6:43
with yourself and and bringing yourself
6:45
down from a cliff if you were really
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emotional about it but know thyself some
6:50
people yes cannot bring themselves to a
6:53
space and well instead like reciprocate
6:56
and make it worse and intensify whatever
6:58
feedback that they got negative or
7:00
positive right it's also not okay I
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think to run away with positive feedback
7:05
and and not be aware of everything else
7:07
that's there right so yes no I think
7:10
knowing yourself is is incredibly
7:12
important but it brings us to our third
7:15
point which is listening to understand
7:18
right
7:20
um You need to listen to understand not
7:22
just the feedback but if you are using
7:25
someone else's sound as a sounding board
7:28
you really want to get to what they're
7:30
saying you don't want to be saying oh
7:31
wait wait that's what I'm saying like
7:33
you can't cut off people constantly
7:34
because you're trying to put your
7:36
framing on their interpretation
7:40
yeah I so this thing to understand is
7:42
one of the base levels of dialogue
7:44
practice that that I used and it's often
7:47
used in like a very charged situation
7:48
where I believe one thing and you
7:50
believe another thing and so often we're
7:53
listening to critique and this is the
7:54
same with feedback right your your boss
7:57
is like I really wish you said X instead
7:59
of Y right and you're like no but this
8:01
is why I did it right and instead of
8:04
having that like conflict or competitive
8:06
attitude you're just listening to see
8:08
what you don't understand right like if
8:12
your boss is saying like maybe you know
8:14
you really took a step back in that
8:15
meeting that's let's use a concrete
8:17
example and in your head you're like
8:19
yeah because I didn't have authority and
8:21
I didn't have this and I didn't have
8:22
that and your but your feedback is your
8:25
boss is telling you and instead of
8:27
saying well you put me in that place to
8:29
not be able to it's like okay what am I
8:32
what am I not understanding maybe that
8:34
what I'm hearing now is my boss actually
8:37
is giving media Authority it's whatever
8:40
else is making me feel like I didn't
8:42
have it and then that means that as a
8:45
critical skill I need to start working
8:46
on
8:48
um how and when to express myself
8:49
because that's the piece I didn't
8:51
understand that I didn't understand
8:52
about myself
8:54
I think it's hard to listen to
8:56
understand because even if we have
9:00
confidence in our abilities even if we
9:02
are coming from a space of trying to be
9:05
open to it I think a lot of times people
9:07
have fear that an evaluation could mean
9:10
that it's going to affect their
9:12
compensation or they might lose their
9:14
job if you're in a bad job environment
9:17
right and that that like brings about
9:20
like a guttural fear that everyone has
9:22
of being able to sustain themselves and
9:24
I think when you come from that place of
9:26
fear it's very easy to get defensive and
9:29
protective so I think that's you know
9:32
the reasoning behind why it's hard to
9:34
listen to understand and sometimes I
9:37
wonder what you think about this
9:38
Charlene like the office politics of
9:41
acknowledging that you need to you know
9:44
fix something and change something maybe
9:47
there's this way to do it in a way not
9:50
to do it because you could yeah it might
9:52
not reflect well or it might reflect
9:55
well depending on how you hey
9:58
100 there's ways to do it and ways not
10:01
to do it and I and I think that you know
10:05
for your own personal growth no matter
10:07
what environment you're in you are
10:10
listening to understand the better
10:11
yourself right it's really about you and
10:14
your personal and professional growth no
10:16
matter who or what is coming at you pull
10:19
apart what works for you what doesn't
10:21
work for you after you've given your
10:22
spouse base you've vented you've done
10:24
all of that work then it's just is sit
10:28
with it and be like okay that person was
10:30
toxic 95 of what they said is garbage
10:34
um but here's this one thing I'm going
10:36
to take away and I'm going to take it to
10:39
my next job right because I want to end
10:41
with with the number four which we
10:43
usually only have three tips but today
10:45
we have four tips
10:47
um is really sometimes it's just a toxic
10:50
environment right you just have to leave
10:53
right sometimes it's just it doesn't
10:55
work and even if it's not a toxic
10:57
environment for others it just might not
10:59
be something that works for you it might
11:01
not be a good fit of Personality it's a
11:04
good fit of a profession a good fit of
11:06
what skills you bring to the table and
11:09
the experience that you have so it is
11:11
okay to consider that and you know
11:13
whenever something doesn't work there's
11:15
other opportunities there's plenty of
11:16
opportunities out there and your goal is
11:19
to find the best fit for your skill set
11:21
in order to shine and succeed in your
11:25
profession I actually think emerging
11:27
professionals are actually much better
11:29
at this than than any of the other
11:31
Generations right I think I agree then
11:35
our generation see that's just coming
11:36
into the workforce now is just so much
11:39
better at being like this isn't aligned
11:40
with who or what I am and and there's
11:43
other places to go and I and I think
11:46
that there is absolutely something to be
11:48
learned for that I I do think you know
11:50
we put moving on as number four because
11:52
I it shouldn't be your first go-to right
11:55
for for any generation it should be do
11:58
the work and think about what is going
12:00
to be best for you personally
12:03
um and then go ahead and and move on
12:06
which and you can move on for 100
12:08
reasons right yeah
12:09
so yeah I totally agree all right so I'm
12:12
gonna try and wrap it up for us and
12:14
summarize so you're you're out there
12:16
you're getting feedback right it's time
12:19
for your evaluation your monthly yearly
12:21
I hope it's not monthly or weekly that's
12:22
really painful although that does happen
12:27
if feedback is done correctly which
12:30
again not with this podcast but it
12:31
actually is daily that you are not
12:33
waiting right I I think your final
12:36
performance evaluation there should be
12:37
absolutely nothing new you've learned
12:39
that is true if you've got good working
12:42
relationships yes there's always back
12:44
and forth so you're here is how we're
12:47
going to wrap it up number one you're
12:49
getting this feedback give it a little
12:50
space give it a little time you want to
12:52
be able to let it sink in a little bit
12:55
number two find a sounding board someone
12:58
else who can give you perspective who
13:00
can bring you down off the wire that
13:01
you're on and let you focus on what
13:03
needs to happen number three listen to
13:06
understand the goal here is for you to
13:09
be the best employee that you can be and
13:11
the best version of you in your
13:13
profession and if all else fails folks
13:15
move on
13:18
yeah so and I want to score all under
13:21
for all of this with hello what you
13:23
mentioned somewhere in the middle of the
13:24
podcast that this is about you and this
13:25
is about what works for you absolutely
13:28
take these pieces and incorporate what
13:31
we're so yes have challenge right if you
13:33
are not a journaler and you're like that
13:35
might help me process please challenge
13:36
yourself to to try it once or twice but
13:40
but really
13:42
think this is about ex listening to
13:44
feedback is about your own professional
13:46
professional and personal growth and
13:48
what works
13:49
um so and really this is about mastering
13:51
feedback where you're seeking your
13:54
perspective and understanding so thanks
13:56
for joining us today everybody thank you
13:58
everybody and remember to learn a little
14:01
bit more every day until next week can't
14:04
wait to see you all on the next week
14:05
okay I think I have a uh uh outro song
14:09
let's see if it works



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